Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Out There, Living

It's weird, I've gone out and done more new things in the last three months than I have in the last eighteen years.  Keeping myself busy and rewarding myself (in big and in small ways) is helping combat the loneliness I still sometimes feel.  Not that I miss the ex - in fact, the complete opposite.  It just continues to be a struggle to manage my own internal expectations.

My friend and I had a conversation about happiness vs. joy.  I'm trying to wrap my head around the differences between the two.  I think both are important, but joy is something I'm going to have to find for myself.  And it won't come in the form of a mani-pedi, a great deal on a Coach purse (although I did score two a few weeks ago!), or a guy.

This weekend I'm doing something I should have done a long time ago - flying up to visit my big sister and treating her to a weekend of fun.  She's been one of the few people that has supported me unconditionally from the day I left home at 18.  She never judged me, never offered so much as a "I-told-you-so", and always had a shoulder for me to lean on... The truth is, as a teenager, I didn't treat her the way I should have.  I was wrapped up in popularity and boyfriends and she was the quiet, shy kid in the family.  I'm blessed that she never held that against me.

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