Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Out There, Living

It's weird, I've gone out and done more new things in the last three months than I have in the last eighteen years.  Keeping myself busy and rewarding myself (in big and in small ways) is helping combat the loneliness I still sometimes feel.  Not that I miss the ex - in fact, the complete opposite.  It just continues to be a struggle to manage my own internal expectations.

My friend and I had a conversation about happiness vs. joy.  I'm trying to wrap my head around the differences between the two.  I think both are important, but joy is something I'm going to have to find for myself.  And it won't come in the form of a mani-pedi, a great deal on a Coach purse (although I did score two a few weeks ago!), or a guy.

This weekend I'm doing something I should have done a long time ago - flying up to visit my big sister and treating her to a weekend of fun.  She's been one of the few people that has supported me unconditionally from the day I left home at 18.  She never judged me, never offered so much as a "I-told-you-so", and always had a shoulder for me to lean on... The truth is, as a teenager, I didn't treat her the way I should have.  I was wrapped up in popularity and boyfriends and she was the quiet, shy kid in the family.  I'm blessed that she never held that against me.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Sometimes a pedicure isn't enough of a treat...

 But Bon Jovi in concert is... And re-learning to have fun is quite the experience!

Letting Go of the Anger

Just about every week, my ex manages to do something that makes me grind my teeth.  It ranges from bugging me via text about something he should just *call* me about - to forgetting to pay car registration renewal and poor teenager is stuck with a fix-it ticket (Oh, and guess who will be paying for the tags? Yep - me). 

What I've tried to remember to do when I feel that familar rush of loathing is to just "let go".  Yes, I'll bitch and moan about it for a little bit, just to get it out of my system but holding on to it 1) doesn't change anything and 2) isn't healthy for me.  There's power in refusing to let someone's action (or lack of action!!) determine your mood. 

There's only one person who I can control, who has the ability to make me happy... I look at her every morning in the mirror.